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Tuesday, February 17, 2009

CAREER ADVICE FOR THE FAKE PROFESSOR

The End is near and we have decided to offer the professor some much needed foresight on things he could do later in life. Feel free to add other career options that you think would suit him.


Bio Diesel

This one is for the future. We all know how creative the man is, going as far as awarding imaginary medals to himself and calling people to witness. In his quest to help Kenya take a huge step forward, I predict he will shortly abandon DALC and plant jathropa in arid land that he will buy in thousands of acres.

He will then set up a biodiesel plant and a petrol station on Thika/Mombasa road where he intended to build a varsity. Thereafter, the Prof.Edu.Dr will roll out TV documentaries where he will promote the DEBIO (Digitally Extracted Bio Diesel). He will stand on a pedestal and claim that his diesel is BioMedically Approached.

DEBIO Ltd's slogan will be " Diesel is just fuel...Its smell and smoke is the value". Buyers will be urged to buy DEBIOS diesel because its "orange farts" smell is real value for money.Can you smell it below?

DEBIO diesel will also be promoted as the only practical diesel in the world whose buyers will be required to submit written case studies on its use every month.


Matatu

The super creative Prof of Gifts and Talents testing will move into uncharted territory by investing heavily on 29 seater minibuses. These will exclusively ply the Eastlands Jogoo Rd route and will be run in a skewed partnership by Obow RAh's sidekick Makanga. The Ma3s will bear red graffiti on their black paintwork in addition to having pictures of Kem Pee and San Dhu displayed on the windows and inside. KDAL matatus as they will be known will offer passengers gift and talent test to determine the electrolyte balance in the brain. All passengers will also get an online receipt and will be required to sign schemes of travel once they get to their destination. The vehicles will also exclusively play music videos from Cambridge (CAM) and Oxford (OXIM) associations of Musicians.


Church

Like Paul Kamlesh Pattni and now the Nakumatt Managers who are discovering religion after sinning for decades, Pete Ham Frey will announce in a bulletin that he is now a saved man and forgives the bloggers here for saying all sorts of evil things about him. He will now go by his new names Peter Paul meaning the rock of salvation and will found a church together with his wife known as (DASLC) Digital Salvation and Learning Church along Mombasa Road before opening other churches countrywide.

However, he will cause a furore by rapidly rising through the titles from Bro. to Pastor, Reverend, Bishop, Apostle and Pope in a span of three months. Those who question his rapid accent will be condemned as evil with chants of "Shindwe" by the newly installed pope of DASLC.

The church will start a full online service where one can download prayers, get online baptisms as well as tithing, blessings, fasting online etc This church will also be the first to offer UK baptism where faithful who can afford will be baptised in a UK swimming pool somewhere in London by UK preachers holding UK bibles.


Music

After numerous talent tests that he will perform on himself, Obow RA will change the results until they show that he is a talented musician. With a printout of the results in his hand, Obow RA will go to Ennovator and demand to produce a single called "Evil Blogger Hatters". Unfortunately, Ennovator will decline the offer due to Obow Rah's vocal inabitlity and call him a wack MC at which the man will walk out in a huff and say that Ennovator has not been BioMedically assesed and that the producer is a thief.

With money to throw around, he will find broke musicians whom he will pay to do a collabo with. The video will be produced by Luch. He will drop a new single featuring Delicious, Kenrazy and Circuit will talk of his tribulations in the hands of bloggers but will sadly be rejected by all TV stations and radio stations. The song will finally be heard on Obow RA's self licensed and accredited radio known as QAC-FM which will broadcast in all major Kenyan towns before being quickly shutdown by the CCK.


Television

Obow RA has had an illustrious career and appeared on TV doing all sorts of things such as receiving medals from strange white men, playing the education expert in the class and defrauding people and playing magic tricks.

This year he will take it to another level when he will play himself in a 3 episode- cob ra squad reality mini series. In this show, Obow RA will play the villain who will be chased through forests, towns, lodgings, colleges, bars before finally being arrested at the Hilton in the company of San dhu , Kem PEe and several unidentied women.

Unlike other shows , this one will have a twist in the end as the badguy will actually be arrested by the real police and taken to a real remand. He will be shocked by the twist but the evidence of his crimes will have been broadcast to thousands of viewers in Kenya and he will be jailed. Proving for once that CobraSquad TV cops can solve crimes.


Horse Trader

As an ardent fan of Manchester united, Humph Rey knows that his club's manager owns race horses and actually makes a small fortune from them. With a new WIDU Professorship in Horse Gift and Talent testing, Obow RA will become a horse expert and proclaim that "A horse is just a beast...Its value is high" to a perplexed audience who will witness his unveiling at a Nairobi hotel.

Through his modified test, horses will be tested for gifts and talents and given prescriptions in the form of hay.The hay will come from Cambridge and Oxford where champion horses graze and thus the hay prescription will have nutrients from the champion horses dung.

Due to the massive success of the horse Gift and Talent Tests, he will extend the tests to donkeys and other beasts of burden. The donkeys will still get a prescription and will have a chance to upgrade to full horses through credit transfers to the Irish International Union of Beasts (IIU-be) or European Beasts Society (EBS) after 9 months or 3 months on fast track basis after submiting practically removed dung for assesment.

6 comments:

  • You just made my day blogger. Continue the good work of ensuring Kenyans land on the truth about DALC. Go blogger....go... go

    February 17, 2009 at 4:35 PM

  • hahahahahah this is the funniest thing I have read today. I bet he can become anything he wants then eeeh. Awesome, the horse thing got me laughing and I can't stop. Can i upgrade my donkey? hahahahahaha

    February 17, 2009 at 5:23 PM

  • I laughed until my ribs cracked.....This is indeed very interesting...It describes the guy to the last detail...keep posting more n more

    February 19, 2009 at 11:06 AM

  • Blogger, you are the bomb.........I hope this stupid con prof. Dr. Oborah sees the good advise you are giving him ahahahahaha. Can I upgrade my donkey to a horse too. Oborah, your days in this con game are numbered. You better get the bloggers advice coz you are headed that direction......too bad for a fake professor!!

    February 19, 2009 at 2:34 PM

  • By the way where do the Gifts and Talent tests take place? I have made several enquiries at DALC and the only assesment I got was from a Customer Service desk. Are all centre managers as they are called trained to do the Gifts and Talent tests? Please our fake professor, can you tell us this coz its clear you are conning Kenyans so bad.....

    February 19, 2009 at 2:38 PM

  • The church will start a full online service where one can download prayers, get online baptisms as well as tithing, blessings, fasting online etc

    You should be writting comedy for TV /MAN. THats ssssoooooooooooooo funny. I remember that line and laugh peke yangu. I hope your fake professor can take advice. YOu are giving him alot of online advice,online evidence,online quackery, online reminders. hhhaaaaaaaaahahhha

    February 19, 2009 at 2:47 PM

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